Adventures with: Cleaning (or a Lack Thereof) -- Part Two

I woke up the next day to make my bathroom slightly less than disgusting for the visiting relatives (which is a trial with a four year old). The guys who came to our house to fix our satellite issues were quite a distraction. Oh, yes. Distraction. But I digress.

The satellite guys finished their job (which I had to supervise, of course) and turned the television on to make sure everything was in good working order. My favorite morning news/entertainment show happened to be on:

They were doing a segment on a man who had breast reduction surgery and was showing various pictures (which I will not illustrate -- today). The younger of the two satellite repair guys sat down on the couch next to me. We sat looking at the television with no words.

Then we giggled in unison. A lot. Believe me, the situation called for it. There is nothing like an awkward situation on television making for another awkward situation in your living room. Never doubt the fact that the greatest gift God gave us (after love) is a sense of humor. I hope you have yours, because I sure as hell keep mine close.



In case you are wondering, the satellite repairman and I fell madly in love. We knew from the moment we began to giggle that it was meant to be. Unfortunately, he had a wedding ring on, so I had to send him on his marry (hardy har har) way. All of this was said without names being exchanged or words being said. No, it's not just a figment of my imagination. Okay, fine. It is. But only a little bit.


Hey, a girl can always dream.

Adventures with: Cleaning (or a Lack Thereof) -- Part One

I will be the first to admit that I am probably one of the most easily distracted individuals to ever walk on the face of the planet, especially when it comes time for me to do something else. Hell, I was going to have this blog post written by Wednesday night, but you can obviously see what day this is.

The reason the cleaning was so important this go-round is due to my aunt coming in from out of town to visit. My grandmother was terrified that someone would want to sleep in the Kayla Cave, so I needed to clear some things out of there. By things, I mean everything that I brought with me when Eden and I moved in nearly five years ago. It started off as a temporary arrangement until I was able to get back on my feet. To be perfectly honest, I kinda like being on my ass. Not OUT flat on my ass, but doing a bit of lazing around. (I seriously don't really do that, except when it comes to chores. I have two parttime jobs with the same employer and I am usually enrolled in school.) Anyways, I've always held on to hope that I would magically come in to some windfall of lots of money and move into my own abode. It hasn't happened, so crap built up. I had filing drawers, art supplies, skinny clothes (which I will probably never wear again), and various other manners of junk. I treated them all as my "Precious" and dragged my feet in kicking the bastards out. Once I drug my feet into it, I was able to find distractions!

I'm going on a cruise in December and I always get a sunburn on my scalp if I'm outside for very long. I'm not a 100% pure Ginger - I'm what you would call a Daywalker - but I still have issues with getting sunburned quickly and in odd places. Instead of cleaning, I began fantasizing about the cruise and what I could do to ward off the sun. I had the perfect idea - I could use my beautiful scarves or sarongs to tie around my head in a turban! I had trouble finding a style to suit me, but after about 20 minutes of tying and retying, I was able to find something that worked for me.

Oops, I was supposed to be cleaning and not playing with strips of pretty fabric. I began cleaning again and was about to put up my other scarves. I then thought it was funny to be a ghost with all of my fabric!

Okay, it didn't look like that. I looked like Laurence of Arabia + Hot Mess + Very Little Ghost = Someone who should be CLEANING.

*sigh* I know, I was getting distracted. Time to go on with my duties. I had to get everything out of my room.

WAIT!!!

I needed to check my Twitter account. What is this? Authors are on there! I just had to pester them in any way possible to avoiding cleaning!

Sadly, they weren't in the mood to deal with my Shenanigans and did not distract me at all. I didn't even bring up Fraggles!

However...

Eden was hungry and wanted lunch! I didn't want to turn on the oven and I didn't have anything thawed out, so I decided to make some cornbread pancakes and greens!

Eden was horrified and did not eat anything. I did gladly, doused with vinegar from pickled peppers! *purrs* My little niece, Kember, also partook of the excellent feast.

Once I finished eating and began to look for other distracting possibilities, my friend Carrie showed up. She got out the whip (yes, I have one -- thanks, Sean!) and beat me into cleaning. Not really, but threats were made.

I got most of the room cleaned to a manageable level, and got rid of most of everything that I owned. Honestly, I didn't want any of the crap. Carrie did, and even made off with a Fry Daddy. Yes, I am a Southern woman. I keep deep fryers in my bedroom. What? You don't?

We ended the day by going on a field trip to Carrie's mother's house (another distraction from the task) instead of cleaning out the *shudders* bathroom. I shall save that adventure for Part Two.

Adventures with: Louisiana Lottery

Oh, the perpetuation of stereotypes! It's glorious! Yes, we are all rednecks who live in swamps and shoot alligators! Okay, I've never watched Swamp People. I'm probably not too far off the mark in guessing that is the gist of it. Here's what you can find in our local gas stations:

Yes, this is a real lottery ticket. No, I didn't buy one because they were sold out! *sigh*

Adventures with: A Random Music Challenge

I decided to push myself a little and illustrate five songs in one picture each. I didn't skip any because they were hard, stupid, something I didn't want you to know that I had, etc. It's not as good as it could be, but my mind is otherwise occupied - it is July, after all. Regardless, I hope you enjoy (because I plan on doing it again very soon).

Waiting - Middle Class Rut

Friends on the Other Side - Princess and the Frog Soundtrack

Bewitched Theme Song

Tomorrow Never Knows - Sucker Punch Soundtrack

Lightning Crashes - Live

Adventures with: Dieting, Again

I hate dieting. Let me say this again, because I can't say this enough:

I HATE DIETING!!!

Yes, I put on quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy with Bug and it never really came off. I never really tried. Pregnancy was liberating in the fact that I didn't have to worry about what I was eating and I was supposed to gain weight. Best thing ever? Hell no. Pregnancy is miserable. In reparation to myself (for bringing life into the world despite the horrible misery of gestation), I continued to eat what I wanted. I don't heinously overeat. I don't exercise either. When I was thin, I used to joke that it was such an ugly word. Now, I don't speak of it at all.

HOWEVER

I started dieting last year. I actually lost a substantial bit of weight (30+ pounds). I had a shitty year though (my spawn hospitalized, several family members died, reconnected with an ex-fiance) and it all came back. It took the whole year, mind you.

This time, I'm in it to win it. My mom was kind enough to get Mammaw, Bug and I a cruise for our Christmas presents.

The average weight gain on a cruise is eight pounds. I don't want to have to worry about ANYTHING while I'm on that cruise (it's my first), so I'm going to lose a lot of weight now and go apeshit on the buffet. When it comes to dieting, I'm go hard or go home. I eat mostly raw food and I try not to go over a thousand calories a day. It's rough. It's doable for me though. Even if I feel like Depressed Rabbit.

I do feel so much like the depressed rabbit and I've only been dieting for three days. (Cut me some slack, I'm the fat kid.) This is all I see in the horizon until December:

*sigh*

This is what I really want:

I'll be good, though. I don't want Greenpeace throwing me back in the water.

Are they still around, anyway?

Adventures with: Irish Lore -- Fragarach ≠ Fraggle Rock?

I am a terrible person. One of my very favorite authors (and not just because he writes well - he's a fantastic person), Kevin Hearne, uses quite a bit of Irish mythology in his Iron Druid Chronicles. Most of you who read this and know me personally are quite aware of the obsession that I have with anything Irish. I have an unhealthy attraction to men with red hair *swoons*, I allowed a Gael to treat me like shit for years (and would still if he hadn't disappeared), and I enjoy the mythology. Hell, my mom told me bedtime stories about Cú Chulainn when I was little. I promise I'm getting to a point, we're just taking the scenic route. Back to Fraggle Rock, oops, I mean Fragarach - it's a kickass sword. It's called "The Answerer" because a person could not lie if it was held to his/her throat (not that I would want to lie and piss someone off who had a big ass sword). I say its name like a "damned German Proddy", but I am quite aware of the pronunciation. However, the little redneck nerd in me can't help but giggle and say "Fraggle Rock" in my head when I read it in Kevin Hearne's books. I just think it's only fair that something that badass has someone laughing at it. Why not me? I'm socially awkward and I really don't have much else to do.

When I confessed my little sin against all things Atticus to Mr. Hearne (I must be formal because I'm beating a dead horse right now), things went south faster than if I had gone after some Bacchants with a baseball bat like in Hexed. Anyways, I won't explain each picture. They don't need an explanation. Just enjoy.

Kevin, this one is special just for you. I think the Fraggles threw down the gauntlet and danced naked around your sword.  Oops.

I realized belatedly that the links in the text aren't working for whatever reason. Here is where you can buy:

Hounded

Hexed

Hammered

Here is my review of Hounded on my new review blog-in-progress