Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Adventures with: Orange Leaf Spoons

Summertime is upon me. Yes, it is like a plague upon me because I don't get days to myself. I am aware that is part of what I signed up for with motherhood and all, but I get perhaps two days a year where I don't have at least one of my three responsibilities: Eden, work, and/or school. My free days mark either the last Wednesday of the childrens' school year or the first Wednesday of the new school year.

Today during my free day, I went to see Thor. I won't say much about it because, let's be honest, there's not much to say. The actor who played Thor was delicious from the neck down and I would gladly bring him home with me, granted that I had a paper bag to stick over his head.

I guess I'm just not a fan of scruffy, blonde facial hair. Wait, no, it worked for the other guy.

Following the movie, we went to Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt. Oh. My. Bob. If you haven't been there yet, GO! Now! Put down whatever you're doing and get your booties over there. It's very delicious. And the best thing about it is:

The Spoon!

Not only can you eat the yogurt with the spoon, but you can use it for a microphone in the car! And as a drumstick!

When I was singing ABBA in the car and drumming in parts I didn't know WITH MY MAGIC SPOON!!!, some poor guy was being nosy and peeked over into my window.

It wasn't my fault that he drove off the road. Loser.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Adventures with: Dead Sh*t

I have strange pets. Today, we shall focus on my cats. They are very sweet, loving cats. Unless, of course, you are a small woodland or flying creature. Otherwise they are evil demons who will rip you apart, devour your soul, and leave your corpse to rot in the kitchen of a poor former fry cook. I, being the fry cook, do not think they are very sweet, loving cats at all today. I shall explain.

My great-grandmother died last week, and I had to go to her out of state funeral over the weekend. Being as my dog was about to burst with puppies, I boarded her at the vet and left the cats to their own devices. Mind you, I'm not cruel. I left them plenty of food and water. I figure since they don't have much to do with us anyways, they would be fine for a few days.

This is what I came home to yesterday.

Yes, that is blood-spray on the walls. The cats dismembered a lizard or a skink and left it for me to clean up. It was quite unnerving how far the blood sprayed in relevance to the creature. The cats wanted to be loved on last night, so I gave them as much attention as they wanted as I did not want them doing the same to me as I slept.

I loved on the cats again this morning, hoping it would be enough for their liking. I was scared because I knew what they were capable of. Since I was up all night worried about their potentially plotting against me, I thought it would be safe to nap while they were doing their morning prowl.

Skeeter-Waller, the boy cat, woke me up with very proud yowls to bring me to the kitchen to see this:

I am now terrified of the cats.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fry Cook Haikus

Slap hiss scrape crackle
So cooks the merry burger
Whole wheat bun awaits.

Long slender and white
Enters the popping cauldron
Exits tan and French.

Sweat beads on red face
Flies buzz loudly overhead
Then fall in the food.