1. Eradicate the Negative Relationships from My Life
I know this is such a cliche thing, but it is true. I have found myself being unhappy most of the time here lately. Yes, a lot of it is depression (a battle I will probably fight for the rest of my life), but I cannot exacerbate it by being around the wrong people. There is absolutely no reason that I should allow myself to be surrounded by people that do not want the best for me. I have so many great friends that I do not spend nearly enough time with, and I should not waste any more time on people who do not deserve my awesome sauce. I love each and every person that I have in my life. I should be spending more time with the people who love me back. I should also string the assholes up by their toenails, but I think that is illegal in this state. If it is legal in yours, let me know. I will be buying another car soon, and I love to travel.
This is a promise to my friends who have been around for a long time that have been neglected lately. I will make more time for you. Thank you for always being there, even though I am terrible. I know I am the shittiest friend when it comes to making plans and returning texts/calls. I am not promising that I will pick up the phone, but I am promising that I will try harder. If you have been around long enough, you are well aware of how distracted I get. I hope you also know that I love you. And watch you through your windows sometimes. I'll start knocking on the door more often, instead of just lurking in the shadows. Because that's not cool.
2. Finish Writing ONE of My Novels
This is something that has gotten quite ridiculous. If I combined my books and notes into one giant file, I would have a fully written novel. I have three works going on right now, and it is time for me to commit to one. I have been jumping around the three, based on whatever I am feeling at that time. I think taking care of my first goal will make me more consistent in my moods. I love all three WIPs, but the third one is really speaking to me. I am going to finish it before it goes quiet. I would hate to use waterboarding on my own characters to keep them talking. Or maybe I should...
3. Lose Forty More Pounds
I am almost down to the weight I was my senior year of high school. I am not almost down to the size. You know, having a baby kinda readjusts where your junk hangs. I am not complaining. I have a womanly figure now, and my weight is going in my waist. I am not have the straight-down body type any longer (not that it was a bad thing). I am happier with my appearance now than I have ever been in my life. Am I perfect? No. Am I going to be perfect? I hope not. I just want to be healthy and confident in myself. I am almost there now. Just think how good I'll feel when I'm closer to the weight my doctors think I should be? (Sorry, Dr. Doofus, I am NOT going back down to 98 pounds.)
4. Make a New Friend
Yes, I know that I already neglect my old friends. This is more of a goal for me to be more open to talking to strangers. Believe it or not, people terrify me. I hate being in a situation where I am surrounded by strangers that I am expected to speak to. Don't get me wrong, I love being in a crowd as long as I get to just watch (and take notes for my writing). I need to open myself up to forming new relationships and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone is an utter shit. Sure, most are, but I cannot close everyone out because of the assholes. I am a great person to know, and I should be more willing to share myself with the world. (See, I told you about the confidence thing!)
5. Be More Positive
I am a world class bitcher. I am an award-winning worrier. If the Doctor landed the Tardis in front of me, I could come up with a million and one reasons why I should walk away. I would bitch about the Daleks and Weeping Angels. I would be worried that he is only approaching me for terrible reasons. While I am bitching and worrying, I am not seeing that the Doctor (shut up, this is my fantasty, k?) just wants to hang out with this fantastic lady. Yes, the glass is half empty (with a crack in it), but it is also half full. It also has the potential to hold so much more than what it has. Instead of being bothered by what is missing or what I am denied, I am going to push myself to fill the glass up. And break the damn thing! I mean, seriously, isn't it time to let that damn glass go? Now excuse me while I go frolic in that shimmery ray of sunshine. Fuck some sunburn!
Are any of these goals going to be easy for me? Hell no. I am a die-hard pessimist who gets too caught up with everything that is not going right. I am the main person who is telling me that I cannot do something. However, I owe it to myself to be my own Number One Fan. I am going to shake things up and try something new. This is my life, and it is time for me to start enjoying myself. I am going to share the wonderful person that I can be with myself, and the rest of you. So prepare yourself for AWESOME Kayla!