Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Summary of My Duties

I think it would be important to first explain what exactly gas station attendants are required to do.

1) We are required to do inventory of everything in the entire store. Gasoline, cigarettes, deep-fried monstrosities, etc. You get the idea.

2) Anything that comes into the kitchen must be frozen and deep-fried except for bread and cow (except for the steak fingers but they haven't been cow in a VERY long time). The bread and the cow are "grilled", which means drenched in butter and browned. Under no circumstances are you ever to eat anything out of the kitchen unless you are willing to gain at least 5 pounds per item for your efforts.

3) Stocking the coolers. This means we try to keep supply and demand at an equilibrium, which is fairly impossible for our beer. Then our local alcoholics complain about hot beer because they snatch it off the cooler shelves faster than it can be put out and cooled off. We have a few men that go into the walk-in coolers and grab their own beer when it has run out up front. I like those men. They're real go-getters and keep my life simple(r). I'm sure if we had kegs, they would pay $15 a pop for doing keg stands to just eliminate the need to take the beer home. Also, people drink nearly as much Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew as beer. Maybe caffeine is a gateway drug that leads to alcohol consumption.

4) Lottery tickets. That should say it all. People who have never sold lottery tickets will never understand the complexities of everything that is involved in it. It'll take a few blogs before you understand.

5) We put up with the meanest, foulest, ill-tempered people who have ever been brought to life on the planet. I am starting to believe that when people get in a bad mood, they decide to go to a gas station and take out their anger on unsuspecting innocents. Sure there are some nice people that come in, but they are only enough to allow us to weather our shift without deep-frying the meanness out of those assholes.

That's a pretty slim generalization of the duties of gas station attendants in the town southeast of Hell. There will be more to come at a later date. As for right now, I have to prepare for my shift.

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